Show her you really love her, The Red Bladder way

NEVER LET IT be said that I am not a romantic man.

Mrs Bladder still talks in hushed tone of some of my more exotic and tenderly thought-out gifts to her over the years. There’s the pink socket spanner set, the tartan ear-muffs and the album of cigarette cards depicting the England cricket XI of 1955 all of which have won a place in her heart.

Despite all that though I still know where the line is and that has just been drawn anew by New York’s Bronx zoo. For the sum of just $10 they will name a Madagascar hissing cockroach for the one you truly love this coming St Valentine‘s Day.

Now I’ve never done a lot of wooing of American women, well, to be perfectly honest, none at all but even I can see the pitfalls in that one.

Is it really the sort of thing that would set their hearts a-flutter? I rather think not.

Waking up on the morning of February 14 in eager anticipation of a bunch of flowers, a box of chocs or the promise of a candle-lit dinner for two only to be faced with “a colourful e-mail certificate announcing that a cockroach has been named in her honour" just might be the precursor of a little marital turbulence, not to say downright discord.

The marketing department down at the zoo keep on trying though "There is no better way to say 'forever' than with the gift of a cockroach” their publicity material assures us. I don’t think so lads, it might have seemed like a good idea down in the pub last night but really that is one that should have been destined for the bin in the harsh light of morning.

To give them their due though they have got a potential winner up their sleeves. As well as the offer of the naming the zoo gift shop is offering
boxes of chocolate replica cockroaches. Now that could be a winner. I wonder if they are available on line and how long delivery would take to Dorset?

Don’t tell the old girl. She could be in for a real treat this year.